No pressure… No, I’m under pressure from the people around me who want me to be something I don’t want to be. Even when I try to walk away because I want to follow my dreams, they still grab hold of me, so tight that it’s hard to breathe.
If there was no pressure, I would burst out with all my hidden talents. Maybe my parents don’t even know I have certain talents that they don’t acknowledge. Since I was a little girl, I had a passion for acting, I participated in lots of plays. I even played Juliet and Cleopatra in school plays in high school. My parents never saw them. Well, I didn’t tell them to come, cause I know what they’ll say..”If it won’t interfere in your career, then it’s okay”. The last thing my mom saw of me performing was when I played at a school competition. I played one of her favourite Bon Jovi songs “It’s My Life”, She loved my guitar performance, I tried to convince her why I want to be an artist, But she keeps denying it. So I gave up, cause I knew there was no hope.
Away from the theatricals, I had another passion…Designing cars was maybe something I really loved since I was like 12 or something; It’s something my dad and I share, we are both oddly obsessed with cars, I remember when I was 7, he drew a BMW and I really loved it, so I started drawing it. One by one, I starting creating my own car designs for BMW and until now, my dream is to be a car designer, but my dad keeps saying “No honey, as we said, this is just a hobby, you’re going to take over the family business..end of story”.
The problem that I have whenever I like something, is that there is nothing called not being really really good at it. For example, I love writing stories and articles and reviews..so why can’t I write a book?, I love drawing so much, Why can’t I do an exhibition? (Well, this one is going to happen in the next couple of months), I love cars and drifting, so why can’t I learn drifting and be a pro and enter car competitions and so on..but no, you’re a girl. I hate it when the sexist thing comes along. I know my parents aren’t being sexist or anything, it’s just an excuse for me to shut it and get it out of my head because it’s dangerous.
What bugs me is that every time I become really good at something they tell me the same thing over and over again. So, I once told them what if I don’t want to be an Architect? What if I die tomorrow, Why can’t I live doing what I really love? After all, we only live ONCE and we won’t live again, so why spend it doing something you don’t like? What if the business fails? What will I do? ..So anyway, we have reached to a conclusion that I’ll travel and take several courses and get a diploma on car designing, in case I need it in the future. I’ll keep doing that with every interest I like, include interior designing and photography. Acting and Music will be hard, because they don’t really approve of those two careers in particular for some odd reason, even though my uncle is an actor and a bass guitarist in a band.
Parents have really weird minds, I don’t know if they want the best for me or are they just so stubborn that they want to achieve their dreams on me. Whenever they bring out this topic I’m like “It’s 2012, It’s the end of the world!”.